Lonely

As I sit here all alone I cant help but feel lonely. I was busy busy busy until the girls went to bed and now I find myself longing for someone to cuddle up with on the couch...someone to talk to. I hate feeling like this. I dont want to "want" somebody. Why cant I just be satisfied being alone? My life is good...I have two beautiful girls, a nice place to live, the semester is going good, and my money situation is good...I cant understand why that cant ever be enough for me? A lot of people stay single for long periods of time and they seem completely normal. Maybe I need to "find" myself or whatever it is you hear people saying on soap operas. LOL. I just dont know. I want to be content with my life...to not feel like I always need somebody. Im so tired of getting into crappy relationships. Why cant I just find a normal guy?!? Ughhh. Anyways. Let me talk about something that isnt so negative for just a second. Saturday night was a blast. I got to spend it with the "gang". We went out to eat and then ran around for a little bit. Nothing too exciting but it was fun. Its always an interesting time when we are all together. I just hope this week goes as well as last week. I hate it that me and my ex had to end things on bad terms. I know that is a little off subject but I just cant help thinking about it. But then I think to myself, "why should I be the one that is so concerned?" He turned into a butthole and I dont owe him anything. I honestly dont think I messed anything up. I was the same person I was when we first met so what did he expect? I think he was scared and ready to live the college life. He just wanted to pin it on me...making me look like the bad guy and Ive got news for him, that is not going to happen! I am sick of guys trying to make me look like Im the bad guy. I am a good girlfriend. I am honest, sweet, caring...its his lose! Ive got to get that through my thick head and stop feeling like I did something wrong. If he really liked his new gf he wouldnt have been trying to keep her a secret...thats all I got to say. Oh well though, he will hurt her just like he hurt me. I mean, I did hear that voicemail the other day...so obviously he has already started his college crap as I like to call it , Well I guess that is enough of my complaining. Maybe tomorrow I can be a little more optimistic, but until then Im going to keep telling myself that I deserve a good man...bc I am a good person, bc its the truth and I am just having trouble getting that through my head! Until next time...