Decision

Im done trying to make a connection I have decided. I hung out with Will last night. I thought Id give him another shot. I kept thinking "maybe just maybe I will start to gain some chemistry with him," but of course that didnt happen. Ive decided that chemistry is just not something that can be forced. He is a great guy...possesses all of the qualitities that any girl would want but there is nothing there. There is absolutely no connection! I get it in my mind that I want to hang out with him but then once he is here I think about something else I would rather do. He would do absolutely anything I say and that annoys me now. Years ago that would be like the number one quality but now I want a guy that can be themselves and definitely stand up to me. I know that sounds weird but I want a guy that is his own person...not someone that will change and do anything I say. Thats boring. I need a guy that has a personality. Ugh, this is so giving me a headache. I am so sick of guys all together. Im at the point where I dont even know if I want to be dating anyone seriously. I do want to date but Im not at the point where I want to be with someone 24/7. Ive been there, done that...and look what happened...it failed...miserably and it taught me a lot about relationships. I open up too fast and that is something I will never do again. Im not letting someone in so that they can break my heart. Im sick of having my heart broken. I deserve better than that. I deserve to be treated with respect. I want a guy that knows what he wants in life, has his head on his shoulders. Someone mature is what I need...but are there any mature guys left in this world? Does any guy know what he wants out of life? NO! Or at least if there are, I sure havent met any guys that possess those qualities. There is one guy however that Im having some strange feelings for. I dont really know what my feelings mean. This guy is one of my good friends, I turn to this person when Ive had a bad date or a bad day in general. I sorta feel like they are having these feelings too but then again I dont know. Its an awkward situation. I dont know if I should express my feelings or just leave them alone. I dont want to make things weird between us but then again...what if it could turn into something? Ugh, such a headache! haha. I just dont know what to do. I think I will just sit back and see what happens though. Im in no hurry and I know they are not either...so why rush things? Why not just see what happens? If things are meant to be then they will find a way, right? Or at least that is what they say...maybe that is true. I definitely think that things happen for a reason, sometimes its just hard to see what that reason is at the time and no matter how bad it is, it always works itself out. Ive been through some tough times...experienced a lot of heart ache but everything has turned around in my life. I am happy with were I am. I have two beautiful healthy daughters that I love with everything I have...Im fixing to graduate from college! And I have some great friends and family. What more could I want? I would be just as content if nothing changed in my life right now. I love it. Well I guess I have written enough for today. I need to do a few things around this house so until next time...