Unbelievable

Well, this weekend consisted of nothing but worrying. Friday night I found out that Jon had his old girlfriend Kim over at his house with the girls. Boy, did I go off! I was sooooo mad. Then I heard he was moving to Glasgow which would be fabulous but unfortunately I dont think that is happening unless he gets married to her. Her husband informed me that in their divorce papers....which are not FINAL yet...that Kim can not have any over night visitors when their kids are in the home. I have this really weird feeling that he will marry her. He spent the four day weekend for election day in the Smokey Mountains with her and her kids while he left Emma and Zoie with his mother. Isnt he just a GREAT FATHER?! He wants to bitch and complain that he doesnt get enough time with them then go spend time with somebody else's freaking kids instead of his own! Gosh that makes me sick...I hate his guts. I dont see how somebody can care so little but try to make everyone think he is the best dad is the entire world. How damn pathetic. The thought of him makes me just want to throw up. I am so sick of his bullcrap. I am sick of his family acting like he is something special. He is just a product of his environment. He thinks its okay to act like an idiot because that is what his mother has always done to his father. And then his father cant say anything because he let her do it...stayed with her while she ran around on him with everybody and their brother at AO Smith. GROSS. I dont see how people can get married and then continue to run around and act like that. I mean, if they made one mistake I could understand but I dont understand when they continue to act like whores and treat their spouses like that. I know that Jon was not my husband but I was his fiance and we did have 2 children together...I deserved more respect than that. I just want to know everything. I honestly dont know if I will ever be able to make peace with the situation until I know the truth...the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I know he was seeing her way before I left because of the psychic tape that I listened to, but I want to know when it started, why it started and exactly what happened. I know those are things that I will never know but I can always hope that maybe someday someone will tell me. I just wish they would break up. I hate his guts and I would never get back with him but as long as he is with the woman he cheated on me with then I will never be able to get along with him. I can not be civil with somebody that has no regard for someone else's feelings...and I dont just mean anybody...I mean the mother of his children's feelings. He could have at least had some respect for me if no one else. It just stresses me out. I wish I could erase him from my past but keep my beautiful girls, but I know that is not possible. They are beautiful and smart because of me and my family not because of him because he was never around...and still continues to never be around. His mother is their caregiver when they are over at his house or supposably there. He does nothing and is not capable of doing nothing. You cant teach an old dog new tricks. Until next time...